Short answer: The first weeks back after parental leave are hard for most parents, and it usually takes a while for a new rhythm to settle. Ease in if you can, know your rights (to request flexible working, time off for emergencies, and breaks to express milk), and sort out the home side in advance: who is the emergency contact, who keeps track of what, and what's plan B when your child is ill. Any decision about hours is a family decision, not something that should automatically fall to the mother.
Your first day back. You're in a meeting about a project you know nothing about, while your head is at nursery and your body is reminding you it's nearly feeding time. Going back is harder than expected for almost everyone — and rarely because of the work itself.
The first weeks
Expect a period where nothing feels quite right. At work you think about your child; at home you think about the work piling up. For many parents this eases as the new routine settles over the first couple of months.
- Ease in if you can: starting midweek, or a few shorter weeks, makes a softer landing than a full first week.
- Do a settling-in period at childcare before your first day, so your child's first long day isn't also yours.
- Arrange a catch-up with your manager in advance to agree priorities.
You don't have to prove in the first month that you're the same employee as before. You've changed — often into someone who's very good at priorities.
Know your rights
Rules differ by country, and your contract may give you more. Some examples:
UK
- Flexible working: all employees can request flexible working from their first day in a job, such as different hours, part-time or working from home. Employers must consider requests properly.
- Time off for dependants: a reasonable amount of time off to deal with an emergency involving a dependant, such as a child suddenly falling ill.
- Unpaid parental leave: eligible employees can take unpaid parental leave to look after their child's welfare, with their job protected.
- Breastfeeding: employers must provide a suitable place for breastfeeding employees to rest, which should be private and hygienic for expressing — not a toilet.
US
- FMLA: eligible employees of covered employers can take up to 12 workweeks of unpaid, job-protected leave in a 12-month period for qualifying family reasons, including caring for a newborn.
- Expressing milk: most nursing employees are entitled to reasonable break time and a private space, other than a bathroom, for up to a year after birth.
- Many states have additional paid leave laws.
EU
- The EU work-life balance rules give each parent a right to four months of parental leave, two of which can't be transferred to the other parent and must be paid at a level set by each country.
- Working parents of children up to at least eight have a right to request flexible working arrangements.
These rights aren't favours. You can ask about them without apologising.
Sort out the home side
This is where it most often goes wrong — not at the office.
Who is the emergency contact?
Don't automatically put only one parent's number down for nursery. Share it, or alternate weeks. Otherwise one person is always the one leaving meetings.
Who keeps track?
Vaccinations, clothes sizes, party invitations, nursery theme days. Split these explicitly, not by default. See your relationship after a baby — this is where much of the friction starts.
Plan for illness
Children starting childcare often catch one bug after another in the first winter. That's normal, not bad luck. Have a plan B and C ready: who can take time off, which relatives or friends can help.
Getting through the week
- Prepare the night before: bags, clothes, lunches. Mornings have no room for decisions.
- Batch-cook at the weekend for two weekday evenings.
- Keep some weekends empty.
- Say no to extras in the first months — committees, volunteering, “could you just…”.
Thinking about part-time
Reducing hours can be a good choice — just make it deliberately. Don't only compare take-home pay with childcare costs right now; that's a snapshot. Think about pension, long-term career, and what work gives you in structure and identity. And make it a decision you take together as a family.
Working doesn't make you a lesser mother, and staying home doesn't make you a lesser woman. Both just ask that the choice is yours.
When to get support
If you feel constantly overwhelmed, low or anxious, or the guilt is overwhelming, talk to your GP. If you're treated unfairly at work because of pregnancy or maternity, get advice early — in the UK from Acas, in the US from the EEOC.
Related reading
Work and family without burning out: The Working Mum Method (PDF, English) is a system for combining work and family life — instead of guilt.
Sources
- GOV.UK — Flexible working, Time off for family and dependants and Unpaid parental leave.
- Health and Safety Executive — Rest and breastfeeding at work.
- U.S. Department of Labor — Family and Medical Leave Act and Pump at work.
- European Commission — Work-life balance.
- Acas — Pregnancy and maternity discrimination; EEOC — Pregnancy discrimination.
Written by the Bloom Guides editorial team. Last updated: 20 October 2026. General information only — not legal advice. Check the rules where you live and work.