Short answer: Children start school at different ages around the world — in England most start reception in the September after their fourth birthday, in the US kindergarten usually starts at five, and in the Netherlands children can start at four. What helps most isn't reading or writing, but practical independence: using the toilet, managing a coat and lunchbox, and being able to ask for help. Prepare calmly in the weeks before, keep goodbyes short and predictable, and expect tiredness and after-school meltdowns in the first weeks. Talk to the teacher early if you're worried.
A book bag half their size. A class of thirty children. And you, turning round at the gate and walking away. Starting school is a bigger step than starting nursery — and not only for your child.
When children start
- England: most children start reception full-time in the September after their fourth birthday. If you don't think your child is ready, they can start later, but they must be in full-time education by compulsory school age. Rules differ in Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland.
- US: kindergarten usually starts around age five; age cut-offs vary by state.
- Netherlands: children can start primary school (groep 1) from age four and must attend from age five.
What your child really needs to be able to do
Less than you might think. Most schools hope children can:
- use the toilet and wipe themselves, mostly independently (accidents still happen);
- put on and take off a coat and shoes, with a little help;
- open a lunchbox and drink from a bottle or cup;
- say what they need, including “I need help”;
- listen and wait in a group for short periods.
Reading, writing and counting aren't requirements — that's what school is for.
What helps most isn't what your child can do, but whether they feel able to say when they can't do something.
The weeks before
- Walk or drive the route a few times.
- Practise the practical things: coat, toilet, lunchbox, water bottle. Independence builds confidence.
- Talk about school positively but briefly. Once a day is plenty; constant talk can build pressure.
- Shift routines early: earlier bedtimes and wake-ups at least a week before.
- Go to settling-in sessions if offered, and find out who the teacher will be.
- Read books about starting school together.
The goodbye
The same principles as nursery: short, clear and the same each day. A wave at the window, a special phrase. Tell your child when you'll be back in terms they understand (“after lunch and play”), and then go. Lingering usually makes it harder. Most children settle quickly once their parent has left — ask the teacher to let you know.
Expect a crash
School days are long and full: new people, new rules, a lot of noise, and holding it together all day. In the first weeks, many children:
- fall apart as soon as they get home — they've held it in all day, and you're their safe place;
- sleep badly, or very deeply;
- go backwards for a while, for example with toileting or wanting to be babied;
- answer every question about school with “I don't know”.
Keep afternoons empty at first. No clubs, playdates or shopping trips. A child who has just started school has nothing left to give.
Getting them to talk
“How was school?” usually gets “fine”. Try instead: “Who did you play with outside?” “What was the silliest thing that happened?” “What did you have for lunch?” Or share something about your own day first — stories often follow.
When to talk to the teacher
Contact the teacher early — they'd rather hear from you sooner than later — if, after several weeks:
- your child is still very upset most mornings or refuses to go;
- they're not eating or drinking at school;
- they don't mention any other children;
- they seem very withdrawn or anxious, or your instinct tells you something isn't right.
If you're concerned about your child's development, hearing, sight or wellbeing, the school nurse, health visitor or GP can help too.
Related reading
For the big step: Ready for School (PDF, English) helps you guide your child calmly towards starting school.
Sources
- GOV.UK — School admissions: school starting age.
- American Academy of Pediatrics, HealthyChildren.org — School.
- NHS — Separation anxiety.
Written by the Bloom Guides editorial team. Last updated: 20 October 2026. General information only — check the rules and admissions process where you live.