Toddler tantrums: what's normal, and what actually helps?

A mother kneeling calmly beside her toddler, who is crying on the living-room rug during a tantrum

Short answer: Tantrums are a normal part of toddler development. They usually start around 18 months, are very common between one and three, and become far less common by about age four. They happen because toddlers have big feelings and strong wants, but not yet the words or self-control to deal with frustration. In the moment: stay calm, keep everyone safe and don't give in to the demand. Afterwards: name the feeling and reconnect.

You're in the supermarket. Your toddler wants a packet of crisps. You say no — and the world ends. Tears, screaming, a body flung on the floor, and the feeling of everyone's eyes on your back. This doesn't mean you're doing something wrong. Your toddler is right on schedule.

Why toddlers have tantrums

Toddlers want to do things themselves and express themselves, but they often can't — yet. That frustration comes out as a tantrum. The NHS lists common triggers such as tiredness, hunger, frustration and jealousy. Temperament plays a part too: some children feel things more intensely than others. A tantrum isn't manipulation or proof of bad parenting. It's a child who is overwhelmed.

As language develops, tantrums usually ease, because your child can increasingly say what they want instead of showing it.

A tantrum isn't an attack on you. It's an emotional storm your child can't yet steer.

What's normal at each age?

  • 12–18 months: short bursts of crying, arching or dropping to the floor when something is taken away or plans change.
  • 18 months to 3 years: the peak. Several tantrums a week — or a day, on hard days — are common, especially when your child is tired, hungry or somewhere new.
  • 3–4 years: tantrums usually become shorter and less frequent as language grows, though they don't disappear overnight.

Prevent the predictable ones

  • Check the basics. Plan snacks and protect naps if hunger or tiredness are your child's triggers.
  • Warn before transitions. “Two more goes on the slide, then we're going home.”
  • Offer small choices instead of yes/no questions: “The red cup or the blue cup?”
  • Keep shopping trips short and involve your child: let them hold the list or put things in the trolley.
  • Notice the good moments. Describe and praise what your child does well. Children who get attention for calm behaviour need tantrums less to be noticed.

What to do during a tantrum

  1. Stay as calm as you can. Shouting back won't end it. Lower your voice, breathe out slowly and use few words: “You're really angry. I'm here.”
  2. Keep everyone safe. Move your child, or the things around them, if they could get hurt.
  3. Don't give in to the demand. Giving in may stop this tantrum, but it teaches that tantrums work. The same goes for bribing with sweets. Hold the limit kindly.
  4. Distract early. If you catch it at the start, a change of scene often helps: “Look, a dog!” This works best with younger toddlers.
  5. Wait it out without lecturing. An overwhelmed child can't take in explanations. Stay close if your child wants that, or give a little space if touch makes it worse. Some parents find holding their child firmly helps — usually when the child is more upset than angry and you feel calm enough to do it gently.

In public, the same approach applies. If you can, move somewhere quieter. The looks you get say more about other people than about you.

Afterwards: reconnect and teach

  • Name the feeling briefly: “You were so cross that we had to leave the park.”
  • Repeat the limit: “We still had to go. Next time I'll warn you first.”
  • Reconnect: a cuddle, a story, a moment together. Your child needs to know the relationship is OK.

Over time, naming feelings helps children recognise and manage them. Read more in helping your child name their emotions and time-out or time-in.

Hitting, biting or throwing

Many toddlers occasionally hit, bite or push when feelings run high. Don't ignore it, and don't hit or bite back. Calmly stop the behaviour and keep everyone safe. See biting, hitting and pushing: how to respond.

Looking after yourself

Parenting through tantrums is exhausting, and you can only stay calm if you're not running on empty yourself. Sleep, food, a break and someone to talk to all count. If you find yourself shouting more than you'd like, see getting children to listen without shouting.

When to talk to your health visitor or GP

  • Tantrums are very frequent, very long, or getting worse after age four.
  • Your child regularly hurts themselves or others, or breaks things during tantrums.
  • You have other concerns, such as delayed speech, sleep problems or difficulties with eating.
  • You feel you can't cope, or you worry you might lose control. Asking for help is a strong thing to do. In the UK, the Family Lives helpline (0808 800 2222) offers free support.

Related reading

Want more tools? Understanding Toddler Tantrums (PDF, English, ages 1–4) explains what's happening in your child's developing brain, what's normal, and practical ways to stay calm and connected through big feelings.

Sources

  1. NHS — Temper tantrums.
  2. NHS — Dealing with child behaviour problems.
  3. American Academy of Pediatrics, HealthyChildren.org — Temper tantrums.
  4. ZERO TO THREE — Toddlers and challenging behaviour: why they do it and how to respond.

Written by the Bloom Guides editorial team. Last updated: 19 October 2026. General information only — not a substitute for advice from your health visitor or doctor.

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