My toddler refuses the potty (or holds in their wee or poo): what now?

Short answer: Refusing the potty or holding on to wee or poo is common during potty training. It is usually driven by fear (often of a painful poo), a need for control, or discomfort — not stubbornness. Take the pressure off, make sitting comfortable and predictable, and check for constipation. If your child hasn't pooed for several days, is in pain, or holds on to wee for very long periods, talk to your GP or health visitor.

Why toddlers refuse the potty

• Fear of pain: one hard, painful poo can make a child afraid to go again. Holding on makes the next poo harder still — the NHS notes that painful poos can make children afraid of having them.
• Control: toileting is one of the few things a toddler fully controls. Pressure tends to increase resistance.
• It feels different: without a nappy, the sensation of weeing or pooing is unfamiliar and can be scary.
• Sensory discomfort: a cold seat, dangling feet, the sound of the flush, or unfamiliar toilets at nursery.
• Not wanting to stop playing.

What helps

1. Lower the pressure. Stop asking repeatedly. Calmly offer the potty at set moments (after meals, before going out, before bed) and accept “no” without a fuss.
2. Give back some control: “Potty or big toilet?”, “Do you want to flush or shall I?”
3. Make sitting comfortable: a toddler seat on the toilet and a step so feet are flat; let your child bring a book.
4. Use a regular toilet time: a relaxed sit at the same time each day — for example after a meal — can help.
5. Celebrate effort, not results. Keep any rewards small. Reward charts can feel like pressure for some children; drop them if they increase anxiety.
6. Consider a pause. If refusal is turning into a daily battle, going back to nappies for a few weeks and trying again later is not failure.

Poo in the nappy only?

Some children will wee on the potty but ask for a nappy to poo. Pooing in a nappy is much better than holding it in. Step by step, you can move towards the potty: nappy on in the bathroom, then nappy on while sitting on the potty, then a nappy loosely in the potty.

Signs of constipation or holding on

• Fewer than three poos a week, or hard, pellet-like poos.
• Straining or pain when pooing; crossing legs, hiding or standing on tiptoes to hold on.
• Small smears or soiling in pants (this can be overflow from constipation, not “accidents”).
• Holding on to wee for very long periods, or weeing being painful or unusually frequent.

Soft poos at least every other day are a good sign. Plenty of fluids and fibre (fruit, vegetables, wholegrains) can help. See also constipation in children.

When to see your GP or health visitor

• You suspect constipation — earlier treatment tends to work better, and the NHS advises getting help before stopping nappies.
• Your child has not pooed for several days, or pooing is very painful.
• Weeing seems painful, very frequent, or your child holds on for very long periods (this can be linked to urine infections).
• Regular soiling, or you're simply worried.

Seek urgent care if constipation comes with a swollen tummy, vomiting, or a lot of blood.

Related reading

• When should you start potty training? Signs, timing and a calm plan
• Staying dry at night

Want a complete approach? Potty Training without Stress (PDF, English) — from nappies to the toilet at your child's pace.

Sources

1. NHS Best Start in Life — Potty training your child.
2. NHS — Constipation in children.
3. Alder Hey Children's NHS Foundation Trust — Constipation.
4. NHS Nottingham and Nottinghamshire ICB — Constipation in children.

Written by the Bloom Guides editorial team. Last updated: 20 October 2026. General information only — not a substitute for advice from your health visitor or GP.