Short answer: Children often don't say they're being bullied, so look for changes: tummy aches on school days, not wanting to go to school, lost or damaged belongings, sleeping badly, or withdrawing from friends. If your child tells you, stay calm, thank them and make clear it isn't their fault. Keep a written record, request a proper meeting with the school and agree concrete steps. For online bullying, screenshot before blocking. In the UK, state schools must by law have a behaviour policy that includes measures to prevent bullying.
Your child doesn't want to go to school any more. Tummy ache on Monday mornings. The water bottle has gone “missing” again. And when you ask, everything's “fine”. Children rarely volunteer that they're being bullied — out of shame, fear of making it worse, or a belief that it's somehow their fault.
Bullying or a falling-out?
A falling-out is usually a one-off between children on fairly equal terms. Bullying is repeated, deliberate, and involves an imbalance of power — physical, social or online. The difference matters, because the response is different.
Signs you might notice at home
- tummy aches or headaches on school days but not at weekends;
- not wanting to go to school, or wanting a different route;
- belongings lost or damaged, with vague explanations;
- unexplained bruises or scratches;
- poor sleep, nightmares or bedwetting again;
- no longer mentioning classmates or arranging to see friends;
- becoming irritable, withdrawn or tearful;
- putting themselves down: “Nobody likes me”;
- asking for or taking money or belongings.
One sign on its own means little. Several together, or a change that lasts, is the moment to keep gently asking.
The conversation
Ask sideways
Direct questions often get “nothing”. Try: “Does anyone in your class get left out?” or “Who do you play with at break time?” Conversations in the car or while doing something together, without eye contact, often flow more easily.
Stay calm if it comes out
Your first instinct may be fury. But if you explode, your child may protect you by telling you less. Try: “I'm really glad you told me. This isn't your fault. We'll sort it out together.”
Don't promise secrecy
Many children ask you not to tell anyone. Instead, say: “I won't do anything without talking to you first.” That's honest and keeps them talking.
Working with school
- Write it down: dates, what happened, who was involved. Facts, not interpretations.
- Ask for a meeting with the teacher, not a quick word at the gate.
- Ask about the school's policy. In England, state schools must by law have a behaviour policy that includes measures to prevent bullying, and parents must be told what it is. Many other countries have similar requirements.
- Agree concrete steps: what will happen, who will do it, and when you'll review it. Confirm by email.
- If nothing changes, escalate: the head teacher, then the governors or school board, using the formal complaints procedure.
Some forms of bullying — such as violence, threats, theft or hate crimes — can be against the law and can be reported to the police.
What to avoid
- Contacting the other child's parents yourself — it often turns into a conflict between adults.
- Telling your child to hit back.
- Telling them to “just ignore it”, which puts the burden on the child being hurt.
Online bullying
- Take screenshots before blocking — they're your evidence.
- Block and report the account to the platform.
- Don't take the phone away as a punishment, or your child may not tell you next time.
- Tell the school if classmates are involved.
Building your child up
Make sure there's at least one place where your child feels seen and capable: a club, a sport, a cousin, a friend outside school. Keep reminding them that what's happening says nothing about who they are.
When to get extra help
Talk to your GP if your child is very anxious or low, isn't sleeping or eating, refuses school, or talks about harming themselves. If you think your child is in immediate danger, call 999 (UK), 911 (US) or 112 (EU). YoungMinds has advice for parents in the UK.
Your child doesn't have to solve this alone. That's exactly why they need an adult.
Related reading
Building resilience: Confidence for Life (PDF, English) is about raising a child who believes in themselves.
Sources
- GOV.UK — Bullying at school.
- StopBullying.gov (US) — Information for parents.
- YoungMinds — Support for parents.
Written by the Bloom Guides editorial team. Last updated: 20 October 2026. General information only.